Tuesday, October 6, 2009

tale for blackstump

"So I'm sitting in the dark. I can't feel the cold - I've had too much to drink. I'm trying to remember how I got here...

Oh, that's right. I walked. Stumbled rather. That feels like so long ago...

I'm resting my head on my knees and running my fingers through the grass. Is it wet? I don't really understand 'wet' in my state. The lights of nearby houses are swimming before my eyes.. I'm wondering what the people in the houses are doing. Though they are so close I could go knock on their doors, I am a million miles away. I couldn't call out if I tried.

I am remembering a loud, dark, room. A mass of bodies. The smell of sweat, smoke an alcohol. I'm remembering going to the bathroom. There is a girl on the floor in the cubicle next to me. I'm knocking on the door.. Asking if she is O.K. She's not moving, just lying, small and broken in a crumpled heap. I'm getting a security guard. 'A girl has passed out in the toilets.' I tell him. Then I leave. I never find out if she was O.K.

Stepping out of my memory, I'm smoking a cigarette. Then I'm smoking another. My chest feels as though it has a hole in it. What's the time?

I'm remembering a large, bright space. A mass of bodies. We're standing in a river. The smell of water and green. The current is swirling around my legs. These people... I'm turning around looking at their mouths moving in unison. Are they speaking? What are they saying? Ah! Now I hear them! They're not speaking - They're singing! It's beautiful and its EVERYWHERE. Pressing in from every side. Then, I'm underwater.

Stepping out of my memory. I'm looking at the sky. I'm starting to feel unsettled. The stars.. Are they watching me? My heart is beating a little fast. SOMETHING endless is watching me. Gazing through the stars.. Waiting. The air feels thick, something is all around me, pushing in from every side. Those stars are baring down on me, I'm feeling scared they will send me blind. I'm looking away. I'm reaching into my handbag and getting out a book and a pen. I'm writing in a messy scrawl across the page.

Moving forward in time...

I'm laying in bed, looking through a tattered old journal. I'm reading a piece of scribbles writing.

'Don't fall asleep now.
I'm the gravity of the stars
calling you to come home...'

Strange.. I don't remember writing that."