Monday, June 7, 2010


Hello.. You cannot be surprised that I have gathered you all here today, as many of you were in my house the day my kettle was kidnapped. I had my suspicions from the start but no proof to back them up.. Until this morning..

I knew it was not Sophie or her friend or Skye as I definitely made cups of tea after they left.
I did not think it was Mel or Pat as I watched them to the door and didn't see them with it.
I could have been Gilbert as he had a big green bag it would have easily hidden in.
I did not think it was Jasmine K as she knows how important a kettle is in making coffee, and wouldn't deprive me of it.

So based on what I knew my remaining suspects were: Gilbert, Anneleise, Belinda, Josiah, Dane and Mandie. I had at this time one main suspect..But no way of proving anything..

The following morning after the kidnapping I received this email -



1. Google George Harry Sanders then take a look around your house.

2. Proof of life will be sent soon

3. A list of demands will be issued shortly after contact has been made


I Googled the name. Apparently George Harry Sanders wrote 'I'm a little teapot'. This got me thinking.. Who of those people would know who wrote 'I'm a little teapot'? Maybe my suspect had an accomplice? Or maybe they just made good use of Google.

Getting some help from my IT team I discovered that the email had come from an AOL account. Who did I know that would bother going and making an AOL account? And why AOL? Why not just hotmail? This helped me discount one or two people from my list. The email was also from someone using Dodo internet...... Interesting.. While this wasn't conclusive evidence, it did strengthen the case against my main suspect. I wrote a response to the email saying "Dodo's are extinct for a reason." and continued my investigation.

I received another email later that day. This one arrived from a different source - presumably because they now knew I was on to them and their ISP.. They were obviously scared and intimidated by my Poirot-like investigation skills because they started making threats.


With that attitude maybe a kettle will soon be too


This email only further assured me that my suspicions were correct. BUT I still had no proof.. Until now. I received this email this morning.



Your lack of compassion is astounding. Maybe these images will turn your hardened heart.
Just think of your poor kettle boiling in fear as the train of terror tears down the track, whistling out your name to come and save her.

we require 2 blocks of chocolate for the safe return

Little did the kidnapper know that I now had him right where I wanted him.. He had inadvertently provided me with the evidence I needed. These days images such as this contain within them data about the camera that took them. The shutter speed, the aperture, the ISO AND the software in the camera that took it. I looked at this data and saw "Software: DSRL-A550" In other words... THIS CAMERA --
There was only ONE person in that room with this camera. None other then DANE PROCTER! Seen here with the aforementioned camera.

In the words of Belinda Malone- "Mr. Procter, consider yourself under arrest for the kidnapping of the said kettle, you have the right to remain embarrassed for all to see. Your offense has rendered you a public thief, you will now be under constant surveillance as you attend gatherings of various social groups, all onlookers will forever consider you in suspicion..."


Sarah :) said...

haha this is truely awesome.
I look up to your detective skills dear friend.
Dane is toast... or should it be coffee??

Dnae said...

I sense a huge assassination of character here. There was mention of two people in the emails.
How do we know this isn't all fabricated by Hannah? She has borrowed my camera on several occasions!

Jordan said...

You are skilled m'dear, skilled...

jazzyk said...

awesome post.
and detective work :)