Monday, January 21, 2008


I like the title of this Blog. "Redistribution". I think it's a good way to describe what is currently happening to all the people I've been living with this past year. First they were gathered, then shuffled carefully over 12 months and now they're about to be dealt out - redistributed to new places. Meanwhile the omnipotent hand of the dealer has already reached for the next pile of cards... Drawing it towards the table to undergo the same process.

I'm not trying to call life a game :) But hey who knows.. Maybe it is... But not a pointless one. A purposefully, carefully and joyfully played one. I don't know. To say it's not a game (to me) seems to take something away. Anyway... All of this to tell you that things are changing are here! The Old students are packed up and leaving and a new group have come.

One thing I notice about myself when I'm suddenly in a big group of people I don't know very well is that I get a little insecure. I seem to need to make sure that everyone gets in their brains the 'sort of person I am'. So I speak louder and more often. I make more jokes, stealing quick glances at the newcomers to check if they're laughing. I take more care in what I wear. If I pick up an instrument (which is pretty normal for me) I pick the most popular songs I know or the most difficult to play.
"Ahhh.." They say. "Yes.. This girl is worthy..She passes the test."
I could keep this up all day..