Hello,
Right now I'm thinking about things that are beyond me.
This week my little Rat Polly died. She'd been pretty crook for a while and the Vet said she was is a bit of pain and wasn't going to get any better. The poor little critter has this big tumor and an abyss thing eating away at her back :( The night before I took her to the vet I had her in bed with me, patting and cuddling her till we both fell asleep. I was thinking it was likely the Vet would suggest putting her to sleep. After snuggling with her a little longer I got up, put her to bed and then went to sleep in earnest.
The Vet gave her this injection that made her sleep and then die. It was a sad thing watching my little buddy die. Sad and sort of beautiful because she looked really peaceful. My friends helped me dig a hole in the forest behind our house and build a little grave for her.
I know it might sound silly to some people to go to so much effort for a rat, but she's been a good friend to me the last 2 years. I'm really sad she's gone.
I know it might also sound disloyal to dear Polly to buy another Rat so soon. But that's what I've done. My new little friend Trumpet is helping me while I feel sad about Polly. She's letting me give her lots of hugs and kisses, and she's grooming my hands and sleeping on my shoulder. She sneezes almost constantly. I think I might get her checked out. I've called her Trumpet after the sneezes.
Death and loss are pretty much entirely beyond my ability to control. That's reality. What do I do about it? I can grieve and cry, I can distract myself, I can spend time with good people, I can talk with God. I believe in God.
Tomorrow my friends are helping me record one of the songs for an EP I hope to release some time in the next few months. We are all gonna stand in a room and sing together and record it. I have things planned out and organised. I've pretty much nutted out the song and figured out what harmonies I would like to go where and who would be good to sing what part. I have a nice idea in my mind of what I hope things song can be.
In a week and a bit I'll head down the coast to do some more recording with a guy called Mike. 5 songs in 4 days. Then we'll send it off to be mastered. I've figured out all these songs too. But holy rolly I have no idea how it's going to turn out. I really hope it's good! My brother is helping me pay for it by lending me money, what a champion.
Anyway, so I've just been thinking about how it (life I suppose) feels sometimes like floating on the top of a big wave or looking down a hole or into a long dark tunnel.
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